The power of powerlessness, that's what Jerome Turton taught me.
Nine years ago in the bitter cold of December I was on the precipice of blowing my head off. Two decades of drink/drug abuse, self-will run riot (fear), the ensuing insanity, and resulting isolation, guilt, shame, and remorse had finally broken me. I could neither imagine continuing to live a life using or a life without out it. After many years of accelerating my doom, the cold waters finally crashed over me.
That zero-sum bottom.
As I began preparing my final act, I heard a faint boom. From a great distance it screamed out to me, "CALL THEM NOW!" A moment of clarity washed over me. I ran to my room, rummaged violently through a pile of receipts and pocket notes, located the number, and dashed to my phone.
I dialed, it rang, and a woman answered. I told her I was in my final act and I that I needed help, right now. She asked me for my number, told me not to move, and that someone would be calling me back in 5 minutes.
As I hung up the phone I dropped to my knees and screamed out that ancient and universal prayer, "PLEASE GOD HELP ME!" My eyes closed, head dropped, and I sat on my knees in silence until the phone rang 5 minutes later.
I picked up, the man on the other end introduced himself as Jerry and asked me what was going on. After I told him he asked if I had liquor and/or drugs in the house. I said yes. He said, "Dump it ALL down the toilet, right now." I followed directions. After confirming it was all gone he asked for my address. I gave it. He said, "Don't move, I will be there in 20 minutes."
Fifteen minutes later I heard a bang on my door. I opened the door to find best friends Tom and Jerry standing on the other side. I invited them in. They asked a few questions, then asked me to put my shoes on and grab my jacket.
And that's how it all started for me.
Tom and Jerry showed up, every day, for the next three months to lead me to 90 meetings in 90 days. I ended up closing that 90-day mark with 110 and I needed every one of them.
Never once did Jerry or Tom pass judgment on me. Never once did they condemn me, tell me what to do, or drive me in any direction. I wouldn't be here today if they had. They simply LOVED me and only ever spoke through their direct experiences to relate to me. These two miracles I had never met before, that showed up at my door in the dead of my darkest winter and instantly loved me more than I loved myself, saved my life.
They too had escaped the same bottom responsible for snuffing millions and millions of others, family and friends included, and gave so freely to me what was so freely given to them. Jerry, like Tom, was a man filled with peace, serenity, love, humility, joy, hope, understanding, fellowship, and God. He also made the best damn homemade cookies I’ve ever had.
Jerry, Tom, and I would continue to go to meetings together for the next year until my journey led me to Las Vegas.
Jerry lived the promises and was as selfless of a man as I have ever met. His experiences empowered me, his demonstration gave me hope, his wisdom guided me, and his love lit my path to freedom. Eternal gratitude.
Thank you my dear friend.
Until I see you again,
RIP Jer Bear.
